Hey everybody

I don't know what to think about my boyfriend anymore, and about everybody...the whole day he lies to me, when i mean the WHOLE day it's really the WHOLE day. Every single word he would tell was lies. How do i know this? because i found out and because he told me :S His fiend was talking with him baout me and he recorded him on his MP3 while saying this:

My friend: Why aren't you with Carolyne anymore on the weekends?
My Borfiend: Cause i have better things to do

WTF?!?!? Does he love me or not...i told him about it, and he said that he was only joking around. Well i will talk about it again tomorrow at school. But seriously what you think about it? I love him..but argg

I got his attention at lunch time when for the first time at lunch i did no have a lunch. Usally i have a apple or a juice bgut not today i was to piss off for it. He was like, eat its good for you, dont do this again and he bought me this present of 200 dollars, i mean i kow he loves me and stuff hut he wont let me go to the OverDrive dancing cuz he doesnt like it and because he thinks im going to dace with other guys :s what should i do?

My restricting did not work out good today..whe i got from school i ate, supper of 200..so i over ate what i wanted too bad for me

There is good and bad things that happen today, lets start with the ONLY good one, that is: It's my b-day :) Im 17 years old. I don't know if i feel too old or too young

Here are the bad things:
1) i cheated on my boyfriend that i LOVE :(..with his best friend, but he wont tell jim but STILL
2) i ate way too much ( i did see that one coming )
3)I feel like a total slut...i was hangin around wiht 3 guys that were..anyways..
4) I gained weight..i think

My fast did go well, pround to say. Im restricting between 400-500 cals starting at 11pm, last time i did that i lost 2.5 pounds a week, but i was exercising like mad..which makes me pissed off because thats is not a lot. I did not gain it back yet..

BORED!!!!!!!!!!!

( Read more... )

This is what i had so far without purging :)

Tuna on crakers, Apple

Supper is coming up soon so i dunno what i will do, i wil go to the gym for about 1hr at 6pm and i will try not to purge my supper...

Here are some photos...again, it helps me since i hate photos i have to try to like them, lo0l.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo083.jpg

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo075.jpg

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo073.jpg

I'm changing everything..the way i write my name, my e-mail adress, the way i eat, the things i do, i need some change. Im sick of this girl who needs mommy, daddy, teachers, ppl all the time, caring and attention. I need my friends the most, my parents the most. I have learn this year that my teachers are there to teach and not to care about me, yes they are humans too and they care but the first thing they need to do is make us pass and make us learn.

This is what i needed, some change and i know i know it is all mental, in my head but i feel better and that is what counts.


:):):):)- I feel better
:(:(:(:( - My parents got in a fight and i feel like shit

That doesn't make sense.

It has been awful
No control at all
When will ever stop, you don't even want to know what i have comsume today. More than 10000000 calories

Here is a convo i had with my mom:

Mom: " You want to starve yourself to death, go ahead, i'm sick of it."
Me: "ok"
Mom: "Im sorry, i really hope you get better, your almost 17, so im still in charge of you, and if you dont want to get your ass in that hospital you better..
Me: "ok ok...i'll stop"

GAIN WEIGHT BEEN EATING ALOT

She can't put me in that hospital because:

1-Im not underweight, yet
2-Who cares
3-hahahah like if im going to obey her

I'm going to try to stick too 500 cals per day and exercise 1-2hrs a day

I was thinking of making a list of things i like about my body and why, things i hate about it and why, so there it is :

I LIKE:

1-My eyes, because there are Blue and everybody tells me i have pretty eyes, i can pretty much put any makeup on them and it will still be hot.

2-My lips, because my boyfriend loves them cause they are full.....:P

3-hummm...my feet, perfect leight

4-My ears, because they are not like elephant ears and not like tiny like a mice. lo0l..okay that was ramdom.

I HATE:

1-My thights, because they are huge and ugly

2-My legs, because they are too short

3-My boobs, because they are too BIG

4-My stomach, read #1

5-My height, way too small (5'4)

6-My weight, dahh

7-My face, too round

8-My arm, to muscly

9-My hands, too small

10-My ass, read #1

Name: Carolyne
Height: 5'4
Current weight: 135 lbs
Highest weight: 141 lbs
Lowest weight: 119 lbs
Bulimic-ed-nos
First goal weight : 125 lbs
Second goal weight. 115 lbs

I CAN and WILL do this

There is this girl who i know about went from 134 to 94 pounds...I envy her so much, why can she do it and not me. I sound selfish :(

I hate lying and telling myself, "Yea i'm better, no i don't want to fast anymore" but in reality all i want to do is B-P...arg, anybody, confort?

I had fixed a goal to have lost 10 pounds before easter i only lost 6...i wanted to be thin and pretty, i'm still pretty fat.

Userame: thin_attention
Name: Caroline
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Height: 5'4
Current weight: 133
BMI: 22.8
LW (at this height): 119
HW (at this height): 141
STGW: 125
LTGW: 105
ED: ed-nos
History of ED: Death of my brother, feeling fuck up, many more
Self diagnosed or by a doctor? A stupid nurse
How long have you been starving, purging, or engaging in disordered behavior? 2 years
How did you find this community? My E.D suport friend
Pictures or text of thinspiration:
Pictures of you: http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo059.jpg
http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo010.jpg
Tell us a little about yourself: I live with my family, i wish i could walk on snow without leaving any footprints, i hate my e.d, i luv my b-f
Reason for joining __thin: I need to talk about it, about how my fear is scary, about how i need ppl to understand, and support
3 Things you love: Barbie dolls
3 Things you hate: Spiders
Provide a link to show that you have promoted either in your own personal journal or a community: http://thin-attention.livejournal.com/

Sry for the swearing


What the fck is wrong with me?? why the fuckin hell people are fuckin mad at me..i didnt do a fuckin thing and there everybodies on my back, well fuck that!! They dont care so fuck it.

I want to starve to death and thats IT!!!!
fuckfuckfuckfuck

Dad's gone, drunk, to sleep somewhere else. He doesn't care about us, nope. even if when he will come back.. he will be sorry, and then do the same thing over again. Fuck. All night i'll be alone with my baby brother cause my mom works at night time..!

Well i'm doing pretty good with restriction :) I have to cut more now, im fat and each time i go to the gym, which is everyday, i look in the mirror and all i can see is how fat iam and that that fat doesn't go away.

After a hard weekend, i need to get back on track!! Anyways, i think all weekend i was sick and i binge binge binge without purging...imagine. Since i started restricting ive lost 8 pounds and i cant give up. 8 pounds in a month..not alot!! :( But better then gaining 8 pounds. Soo im going to restart my restricting but this time, better. I really need to get to my goal for my bday which is im may.

Right now im in school and i just finish my exam, which i didnt get really good, but oh well. I dont give a shit anymore...not about shcool but about others. You know the girl who was bitching, well she didnt came and talk to me, and i serisouly wish she wont, because i dont care and all her gang can go *** i know they hate me and so what, its not like if we are best friend and haning out. At least i have my friends and they love me. lo0l. We are going to go see model parlement and i hate it. I wonder if it will be really fun or really boring.

Im hyper but at the same time im down, i dont know why. I feel useless maybe iam. I just want to be thin thats all. I have to go to lunch in 4 minutes and i have a sandwich,celery,juice,raisins.my mom made me . I wonder what i will eat. Probably the celery ad rasins, which wont be lots of cals, even if tonight im going to the gym...ahh whatg can i doo?!?!? I feel so much like eating and binging and here at school i can not purge, dah..welll

Edit***
I just had my lunch, and stupid me ate it all!! THATS IT

Here are some pics of me ..... plz dont laught

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo050.jpg
http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo006.jpg
http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo006.jpg
http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/fly_flyaway/Photo010.jpg

[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/3;10731;39;0;0/c/-8/t/-25/k/f17a/weight.png[/img]
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wow theres this girl who is really piss...lo0l she thinks i did shit with her ex bf this summer...which is not true!!! But she wont belive me and she says that im a com.liar..blah blah blah like if i care. She tells me im selfish and maybe, iam lo0l and immature, you know the babish blasting. well its not everybody who like everybody anyways. Oh and there MANY ppl who hates me, so what?!?!? Like if i cared about them...lo0l they just dont know me thats all. Ill loose weight and they will be like omg, and maybe some day ppl will care about me.

I went to the gym for 60mins today, for 120mins yesterday and like that since 14 days i think..im still pretty fat. My mom says that ive lost weight...(yea right) I look in the mirror all i can fuckin see is my fat, no bonesssss noo. Not yet. Im eating around 500-700 cals per day and going at the gym after (in the evening) im buning about 200-300 cals each time i go. I eat wayy to much.

Not soo much i suck at school. yap i do. :( Fuck to be me

At home, my dad just lost his job, humm his back now drinking and getting his self drunk. My mom works at night which is nott gooooood cause shes always super bitchy cause she doesnt get enought sleep.

anyways

I'm reading all my post since the begging of the year and lo0l i feel so dumb..i was suck a attention whore. Well good news im not anymore. I dnt care as much as i used to. :) (read lower post)

Humm my bf thinks werid things about me...like im cheating on him, i would tell him thingd to piss him off...and all tht is not true. He even told me he had no trust in me...wtf!!?!? HOW in THE WORLD can you have a FUCKIN RELATIONSHIP with your BF who doesnt TRUST YOU!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!??!kfhghvuryivuyvbtuyriuetyvneiudrfjk

Humm im going to the gym quite often :) Like 5 times a week for about 2 hrs a day. I lost 3 pounds. Im weighting myself on Wed. ill see how it went.